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Jake – A Cowboy
My husband was a cowboy, a real cowboy. I have never seen anyone move more in sync with an animal, so calmly yet commanding, so fluidly, so beautifully. To watch him ride a horse was mesmerizing and inspiring. He told me that he knew when he was 3 or 4 years old that he wanted…
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Thoughts from 2 years ago…
Don’t ask me how I am doing. I cannot honestly say that I am fine, or good, or doing well. Likely I will respond with a forced “okay,” because that is the best contribution I have to answer the thoughtless yet common greeting of “Hello, how are you doing?” But I am not okay. I…
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I wear his t-shirts to bed every night. I wear his socks, which come all the way up to my knees. I wear his chaps when I ride horses – again, way too long for me. I use his coffee mug, sit in his chair. I started doing all of that to be close to…
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I just finished When Your Soulmate Dies by Alan Wolfelt. It is the first time since my husband died that I felt like someone truly understood what my grief has been like. I am sure it was partly the timing of the reading, as people were generous with gifting me books on grief and healing…
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Crashing Down
Our wedding day was the happiest day of my life. The day my husband died was the worst day in all eternity. Why? Why did he have to die? Why was he taken so prematurely from this life? I will likely never get answers to these questions. Nonetheless, my life was turned upside down. Being with…
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Hello World!
It has been four years and nearly five months since I lost my husband tragically and unexpectedly. Is that a long or short amount of time? It is both. I just recently passed the milestone of being able to throw out some of his old toiletry items from under our bathroom sink. Those that were…